Worst Movies of All Time (transcript)

• PhantomStrider: "Woah! Hey, Nostalgia Critic! How ya doin'? I was actually just checking out the worst movies of all time."
• Nostalgia Critic: "Oh, come on, Strider! We ALL know the Garbage Pail Kids is the worst movie of all time!"
• PhantomStrider: "Yeah, Garbage Pail Kids is bad, but I think there are movies out there that are EVEN WORSE!"
• Nostalgia Critic: "Prove It!"
• PhantomStrider: "Fine! I will! #10...
• 10: Pledge This! (2006)
• 9: Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)
• 8: The Room (2003)
• 7: Turkish Star Wars (AKA: The Man Who Saved the World!) (1982)
• 6: Fred: The Movie (2010)
• 5: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
• 4: Jack and Jill (2011)
• 3: Cat in the Hat (2003)
• 2: Garbage Pail Kids (1987)
• Nostalgia Critic: HA! Called it!
• PhantomStrider: Okay, okay! I mostly agree with you. It's very close to #1. I only think there's one worse movie than this. As Doug has saidm this movie is an insult to cinema itself! It is EASILY among the most God-awful, poorly concieved, psychotic movies ever made!
• [One of the Garbage Pail Kids farts at a fashion show]
• PhantomStrider: And I'm glad that we can both at least agree it's certainly among the worst. The Garbage Pail Kids themselves look like pure, concentrated nightmare fuel; with hanging-open mouth and mucus-like, vile oily designs that make you lose all plans for ingesting food for the rest of the day. Their fish monster faces just seem to rot off right in front of our eyes. And then you get what these deformed horrors actually do. These revolting monsters might pull out human organs for lunch; they might draw a knife on the camera or try to bite people's toes off; they might steal and cause chaos to the neighborhood — all under the guise of being "for kids"! This movie was so ugly — so downright repulsive, mean-spirited and rotten — that it was pulled from theaters almost immediately, due to endless complaints by angry parents! The acting is at such a bottom-rung level that you will likely feel unwell just watching their performances, gazing upon the colors, and everything these rotten creatures do! No child, no adult, no sentient creature understanding of the human condition should ever be subjected to this... slimy spit on all of cinema history! It is EASILY among the Top 2 Worst Movies of All Time! And before we get to #1, I'd like to give the usual quick DIShonorable mentions. 
• Honorable Mention #1: Kung Pow! (2002)
• PhantomStrider: I both liked and hated this movie. On one hand, it's filled with pee jokes, flatulence jokes, annoying voices and tongue humor. On the other hand, it's meant to be stupid and justs wants to poke some fun at some old kung fu movies. It got recommended, but I don't think it's quite abysmal enough to be on this list.
• Honorable Mention #2: Troll 2 (1990)
• PhantomStrider: This movie is an obvious choice for the list with its abominable writing and cheesy effects, but it's technically enough horror genre and I have excluded horror films from this list.
• Honorable Mention #3: Jem and the Holograms (2015)
• PhantomStrider: No greater middle finger has ever been given to an entire generation of millenials! No part of this movie was not so revoltingly self-absorbed that it made me want to destroy every smartphone I saw!
• Honorable Mention #4: Manos: Hands of Fate (1966)
• PhantomStrider: You know the best person to make a movie? A Texas fertilizer salesman. Our good friend Harold made this movie after he lost a bet with a screenwriter. And I think a blind drunken hobo with a broken camera could have come up with a more enthralling movie!
• Honorable Mention #5: Transformers 4: Age of Extinction (2014)
• PhantomStrider: God, I hate this movie! But at least it's kind of colorful, some of the time when it's not trying to give you a seizure? Even if it's not the absolute worst, I despise the Transformers movies for what they've done to the movie industry as a whole!
• Honorable Mention #6: Bio-Dome (1996)
• PhantomStrider: One of the few performances that will make Adam Sandler's absolute worst performances seem as reserved as Gandhi! Understand, it is a perfectly natural reaction to want to punch the two main characters within 15 seconds of starting the movie. This means you are human, and still have a sense of morality. Anyway, here we go! And without a doubt, the #1 Worst Movie of All Time is...
• [Gord shoddily sings "Daddy, Would You Like Some Sausage?", while both Strider and Doug watch in horror]
• 1: Freddy Got Fingered (2001) [Heads up: Some (barred) gore imagery and sexual references.]
• The Conclusion
• PhantomStrider: Sadly, they'll always be badly made, cash-in movies, but they'll always be creative movies that try to explore humor, people, life and emotions. In the end, I'll always remember the movies that changed the world or just pleasant to watch like Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Back to the Future, or the Wizard of Oz. As long as there are people, there will always be those sparks of insight or human warmth that change our world for the better or make us see the world in a new perspectice, and I'm looking forward to finding more of them. Do you think I missed a particularly bad movie? Damn right, I did! This list is so broad that you'd have to make a top 1,000 list to even scratch the surface! But if you've got a particularly bad movie you think i missed, feel free to leave it in the comments. And as always, thanks for watching! And I'll see you next time!